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Ok, so here it is.
4/14
that would be the day after the best theater day i've had in my entire life. not to mention i got to spend it with a best friend (broadway bob) and the love of my life (the lovely jessica)
we get to the city and get our tickets.
and then the magic happened.
i got tickets for row m in chorus line.
Let me just say that A Chorus Line IS Broadway. Actually, it is everything about broadway and more. Jessica Lee Goldyn is going to be a star.. she just HAS IT if you know what i mean. Absolutely fabulous as Val and what surprised me the most is that her singing voice has improved SOOOO much since the opening of this show.. she can belt with the best of Broadway and be right up there with the top. Charlotte D'Amboise, i had heard from people that she wasn't the best Cassie.. i would like to disagree with this. she was INCREDIBLE. Her Music and the Mirror was so impressive. Michael Berresse was a little hoarse. i credit this to one of two things.. first of all the weather changes.. *it was 70 in nyc yesterday.. however they got a little bit of a flurry today*.. crazy. secondly, it might have been him pushing it because it was his last weekend in the show. Deidre Goodwin was also soo much more nuanced in her role as Sheila than i have EVER seen her. the rest of the cast was equally impressive.. overall by the last note of what i did for love i was a sobbing mess which continued until the end of the show.
Afterwards, i had the pleasure of meeting Jessica at the stage door. what an amazingly sweet person. She was so gracious and remembered me from Myspace!! Such an amazing moment. Best stage door experience I have EVER had. *see my myspace for photographical evidence*
My evening show was Legally Blonde
For those who know me.. they know that I absolutely love this show. We had tickets for FRONT ROW CENTER! Amazing seats.
Laura Bell Bundy was a little under the weather *i believe* I luckily got to meet her briefly outside the theater earlier in the day before their matinee. *same with Christian Borle*
The show was incredible as I had imagined.. i just wish I hadn't been as tired as I was by that time in the day.. so tired in fact that the show seems almost like a blur now. Laura Bell still amazed me considering that she wasn't feeling well and she was still able to throw out that belt at the end of So Much Better. Orfeh has grown so much in her role since the MTV taping.
Then there's Kate Shindle. HOW DO YOU DO IT KATE!? LB Remix.. honestly are you sure there isn't some robot inside singing for you? Best freakin SHOOOOEES! my god. SERIOUSLY! nuts. This woman can do no wrong in my eyes. I want her to have a leading role where i can hear that glorious voice over and over again. Michael Rupert is a genius onstage. Enough said.
Got to meet Orfeh and Kate outside.. told Kate that I post on her blog.. I hope she gets a chance to read mine! :) that would be awesome to hear from her.
All in all an UNBELIEVEABLE day ..
which brings me to my next topic of discussion.
While I was watching A Chorus Line . some of my tears were directed towards the fact that I have reached a point where I am disgusted with my physical appearance. Watching these bodies onstage which seem so foreign to me. And i don't want them to be foreign anymore. I want to feel like someone who isn't afraid to be out in public without worrying about my body and my back hurting.. and my feet hurting. I'm done with all of it. I can't believe i've let myself go from a size 28 to a size 40 in 5 years. Small/Medium shirts to XXL shirts in 5 years. It's all over starting now. I have a life i want to lead and I'll be damned if i let myself continue to die inside because i can't accomplish what i want solely based on how I look/appear to others.
this show will continue to be my motivation. Watching the opening number up until the Finale. This is my dream. This is what I want. I want to feel those stage lights. i want to grow and have at least one more shot at that dream. Who konws how it will end up .. but I want to give myself the opportunity to get there.. through voice lessons.. dance lessons.. you name it. i'm willing to do anything.
I hate the game. but if you don't play it you end up with nothing. which is absolutely UNACCEPTABLE.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
when did "emo" lose its coolness
There's been a series of craziness that has gone through my life forever..
as i sit here at 5:40 in the morning .. in my solitude.. i start thinking.
i'm scared.. for the first time in my life i'm actually, all joking aside, scared about the future.
thinking about literally hundreds of people who shaped me.. people who made me who i am... these are the people who would rather have nothing to do with me.
from the beginnings of punk rock.. to the beginnings of the theater.
everyone.
it makes me think.. again .
but i think about how small of a role so many people play in our lives.. it used to always keep me sane that i would have these people around. but truth be told after the losses i'm sick of losing people. .. either losing touch.. or arguments. death or whatever else causes us to become selectively deaf to people we don't care to associate with anymore..
i need people.. i need them all the time.. whether or not that makes me a weak person is irrelevant. but what it does make me.. *at least i believe* is human.
I know that people go through chapters and lose touch.. well. maybe I'M the crazy one.. but i don't think this gives a reason to shut out the important people. i've always tried to include everyone with everyone else.
i know this blog is very whiny.. but oh well .. if you don't like it.. shove something somewhere.
i was just thinking about ex girlfriends.. like.. what are marissa and christienna up to these days. why does kelle feel the need to ignore everything i send her as though she feels resentment over an unknown problem she had with me.
about good friends. like .. why am i not interesting to jeff miller who used to love having me around.. why does jeff wilson always feel as though i have a vendetta against him .. which if we were playing opposite day .. then that would be true
and lastly. just the past in general.. i really used to know who i was.
anymore..
who the hell am i?
out.
r
as i sit here at 5:40 in the morning .. in my solitude.. i start thinking.
i'm scared.. for the first time in my life i'm actually, all joking aside, scared about the future.
thinking about literally hundreds of people who shaped me.. people who made me who i am... these are the people who would rather have nothing to do with me.
from the beginnings of punk rock.. to the beginnings of the theater.
everyone.
it makes me think.. again .
but i think about how small of a role so many people play in our lives.. it used to always keep me sane that i would have these people around. but truth be told after the losses i'm sick of losing people. .. either losing touch.. or arguments. death or whatever else causes us to become selectively deaf to people we don't care to associate with anymore..
i need people.. i need them all the time.. whether or not that makes me a weak person is irrelevant. but what it does make me.. *at least i believe* is human.
I know that people go through chapters and lose touch.. well. maybe I'M the crazy one.. but i don't think this gives a reason to shut out the important people. i've always tried to include everyone with everyone else.
i know this blog is very whiny.. but oh well .. if you don't like it.. shove something somewhere.
i was just thinking about ex girlfriends.. like.. what are marissa and christienna up to these days. why does kelle feel the need to ignore everything i send her as though she feels resentment over an unknown problem she had with me.
about good friends. like .. why am i not interesting to jeff miller who used to love having me around.. why does jeff wilson always feel as though i have a vendetta against him .. which if we were playing opposite day .. then that would be true
and lastly. just the past in general.. i really used to know who i was.
anymore..
who the hell am i?
out.
r
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
yeah yeah it's been a while i know *warning sad stuff inside*
So here it is the middle of March. In approximately one month the bright lights of Broadway will be calling my name.
in other news i've decided that i need to record more starting tomorrow. there's so much music going on in my head every single day and it needs to get out of there and onto my computer.
so i found a long, lost friend the other day.
it's interesting we hadn't seen each other in almost 9 years and we're still as close.. possibly closer than we ever have been. she is a wonderful soul.. some of the discussions we had really hurt me to my core but i think that the reason we found each other again is so i can be there for her. she's always felt like my little sister.. and imagine not seeing that person for 9 years? yeah it's a pretty awesome experience.
we talked a lot about the people close to us that have died.
i remember being 13 and no one close to me had died. i had no idea how finite it really was then people starting dying left and right on me.. friends, relatives, acquaintances.
i know it's cliche but you do always think about the standard blame yourself thing that we all do. i didn't tell them that I loved them enough.. i wasn't there for them enough. i didn't get a chance to say goodbye .. most of these things are very hard to go through in your head. but there is one comfort in life.. regardless if you believe as i do or not. is that these wonderful people in our lives are a gift... yes they can go away at any moment .. but what i've taken from each death that i've had the unfortunate part of dealing with .. is that whenever someone close to you dies.. it makes you want to love the people that you still have that much more. and the older you get .. the more important those friendships become. and how filled up with life you can be when you're around the people that mean the most to you.
anyway.. here's my five wishes going into the latter part of March to mid-April
1). ok legally blonde actors/actresses. *esp. kate s. , laura, michael, orfeh and christian* please.. keep taking your vitamin C and stay healthy so i can hear/see the wonderfulness that is the show you created and perform :)
2) please let this writing a musical thing happen. i think it could be really good for me.
3) that my *sister* will keep thinking "outside the box*
4) corny wish .. yeah.. i played powerball.. and that loft in nyc sounds really good about right now.
5) people will stop thinking that AIDS doesn't affect anyone close to them.. it's still just as deadly as it was 10 years ago.. and it's still killing millions of people.. just because people aren't talking about it as much.. doesn't mean that it's gone.
loves all.
-r
in other news i've decided that i need to record more starting tomorrow. there's so much music going on in my head every single day and it needs to get out of there and onto my computer.
so i found a long, lost friend the other day.
it's interesting we hadn't seen each other in almost 9 years and we're still as close.. possibly closer than we ever have been. she is a wonderful soul.. some of the discussions we had really hurt me to my core but i think that the reason we found each other again is so i can be there for her. she's always felt like my little sister.. and imagine not seeing that person for 9 years? yeah it's a pretty awesome experience.
we talked a lot about the people close to us that have died.
i remember being 13 and no one close to me had died. i had no idea how finite it really was then people starting dying left and right on me.. friends, relatives, acquaintances.
i know it's cliche but you do always think about the standard blame yourself thing that we all do. i didn't tell them that I loved them enough.. i wasn't there for them enough. i didn't get a chance to say goodbye .. most of these things are very hard to go through in your head. but there is one comfort in life.. regardless if you believe as i do or not. is that these wonderful people in our lives are a gift... yes they can go away at any moment .. but what i've taken from each death that i've had the unfortunate part of dealing with .. is that whenever someone close to you dies.. it makes you want to love the people that you still have that much more. and the older you get .. the more important those friendships become. and how filled up with life you can be when you're around the people that mean the most to you.
anyway.. here's my five wishes going into the latter part of March to mid-April
1). ok legally blonde actors/actresses. *esp. kate s. , laura, michael, orfeh and christian* please.. keep taking your vitamin C and stay healthy so i can hear/see the wonderfulness that is the show you created and perform :)
2) please let this writing a musical thing happen. i think it could be really good for me.
3) that my *sister* will keep thinking "outside the box*
4) corny wish .. yeah.. i played powerball.. and that loft in nyc sounds really good about right now.
5) people will stop thinking that AIDS doesn't affect anyone close to them.. it's still just as deadly as it was 10 years ago.. and it's still killing millions of people.. just because people aren't talking about it as much.. doesn't mean that it's gone.
loves all.
-r
Monday, February 25, 2008
Things that are wrong in the world today/Things that are good in the world today
---BAD
1) finding pictures of Kristin Chenoweth at the Oscars with comments from people asking who she is.
2) People STILL not knowing what Rent is
3) Ralph Nader *damn you sir.. if you fuck things up again for all of us.. i will never ever forgive you ..
4) dubya. enough said.
5) Damn it.. i STILL have no drummer
---GOOD
1) Non-Equity casts making me salivate
2) April is only a few short weeks away
3) Friends are wonderful
4) Actually feeling somewhat accomplished by my singing voice for the first time ever
5) jess. enough said.
be awesome with me people.
-out
1) finding pictures of Kristin Chenoweth at the Oscars with comments from people asking who she is.
2) People STILL not knowing what Rent is
3) Ralph Nader *damn you sir.. if you fuck things up again for all of us.. i will never ever forgive you ..
4) dubya. enough said.
5) Damn it.. i STILL have no drummer
---GOOD
1) Non-Equity casts making me salivate
2) April is only a few short weeks away
3) Friends are wonderful
4) Actually feeling somewhat accomplished by my singing voice for the first time ever
5) jess. enough said.
be awesome with me people.
-out
Thursday, February 21, 2008
god bless musical theater
so.
ok for the life of me i just can not comprehend creating something that becomes a worldwide phenomenon. yes, it's true.. when i write music.. i'll be like. wow.. that's pretty awesome. but to think that it could have any sort of grand scale freaks the hell out of me.
then you have something like rent.
i have to think that jon.... somehow knew the impact this show would have.. but what i don't think he would have known is that it has such a grip on so many lives.
i had the privilege of attending rent in athens, ohio last night..
2 things you should know
1) i've seen non-equity casts before and usually, save a couple of people, the casts have been .. well let's just say.. awful
2) because of #1 my expectations were to have an "enjoyable" show.
The answer to both questions is fuckshitdamn.
AMAZING cast.. enjoyable? HA yeah.. if i wasn't bouncing i was bawling.
just goes to show you.. 12 years later. if there is a fresh breath in a show. it can.. and i would say should go on as long as it can until it runs out of breath.
new pseudo-crush
christine dwyer.
*best maureen ever.. and sox fan.. and septum pierced. yeah beat that.
seriously though.. if i had the money i would totally follow this tour from city to city just to be a part of something i consider truly special.
i love you rent.
ok for the life of me i just can not comprehend creating something that becomes a worldwide phenomenon. yes, it's true.. when i write music.. i'll be like. wow.. that's pretty awesome. but to think that it could have any sort of grand scale freaks the hell out of me.
then you have something like rent.
i have to think that jon.... somehow knew the impact this show would have.. but what i don't think he would have known is that it has such a grip on so many lives.
i had the privilege of attending rent in athens, ohio last night..
2 things you should know
1) i've seen non-equity casts before and usually, save a couple of people, the casts have been .. well let's just say.. awful
2) because of #1 my expectations were to have an "enjoyable" show.
The answer to both questions is fuckshitdamn.
AMAZING cast.. enjoyable? HA yeah.. if i wasn't bouncing i was bawling.
just goes to show you.. 12 years later. if there is a fresh breath in a show. it can.. and i would say should go on as long as it can until it runs out of breath.
new pseudo-crush
christine dwyer.
*best maureen ever.. and sox fan.. and septum pierced. yeah beat that.
seriously though.. if i had the money i would totally follow this tour from city to city just to be a part of something i consider truly special.
i love you rent.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
a week later
Hello all of you who actually read this.
scanning.
scanning.
ok the less than 10 of you. thanks for wasting some time with me.
i stayed up again all night last night.. i've really been having a hard time actually FORCING myself to go to bed.
however, i decided to spend my time wisely. i searched stage door videos on youtube.
this is what i love about the theater. people... real people, right in front of you.. real people outside the theater.. usually tired.. and probably sick of hearing the same thing every night from a different person. say for instance you know you had a bad show.. and there's people out there waiting for you. and they're going to say what you know isn't true for that performance. do you act gracious or do you say yeah i really sucked tonight. .. a very strange question that i would love to ask someone.
speaking of which. the pink, gold and green countdown has officially reached the two month mark.
pink=legally blonde... hopefully
gold=a chorus line ... but not if..
green=wicked ... two words.. annaleigh ashford.. i PRAY she's still there..
i'm also getting a upturned nose concerning non-theater people.. i just have a hard time understanding what it is about theater that people don't like.. now i know that there are some.. like swarley who i have shown the light to and they love it now.. but there are others who are just like meh.. i understand people are gonna have their opinions but come on.
it's also v-day comin up.. and jessica has officially informed me she doesn't want anything or necessarily to do anything either.. kind of mixed emotions on that.. i'm not sure if she doesn't want anything because she knows we scrape for pennies a good amount of the time..
i'm convinced that kate shindle is the best female singer currently on broadway.
just do a search on youtube people..
kate shindle.. and the word somewhere..
tilt head for approximately a minute.
then watch video
pull jaw off of the floor
-signing off.
scanning.
scanning.
ok the less than 10 of you. thanks for wasting some time with me.
i stayed up again all night last night.. i've really been having a hard time actually FORCING myself to go to bed.
however, i decided to spend my time wisely. i searched stage door videos on youtube.
this is what i love about the theater. people... real people, right in front of you.. real people outside the theater.. usually tired.. and probably sick of hearing the same thing every night from a different person. say for instance you know you had a bad show.. and there's people out there waiting for you. and they're going to say what you know isn't true for that performance. do you act gracious or do you say yeah i really sucked tonight. .. a very strange question that i would love to ask someone.
speaking of which. the pink, gold and green countdown has officially reached the two month mark.
pink=legally blonde... hopefully
gold=a chorus line ... but not if..
green=wicked ... two words.. annaleigh ashford.. i PRAY she's still there..
i'm also getting a upturned nose concerning non-theater people.. i just have a hard time understanding what it is about theater that people don't like.. now i know that there are some.. like swarley who i have shown the light to and they love it now.. but there are others who are just like meh.. i understand people are gonna have their opinions but come on.
it's also v-day comin up.. and jessica has officially informed me she doesn't want anything or necessarily to do anything either.. kind of mixed emotions on that.. i'm not sure if she doesn't want anything because she knows we scrape for pennies a good amount of the time..
i'm convinced that kate shindle is the best female singer currently on broadway.
just do a search on youtube people..
kate shindle.. and the word somewhere..
tilt head for approximately a minute.
then watch video
pull jaw off of the floor
-signing off.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
never thought
So, here i sit
Things seem so different but then I run into old friends.. realize they're in the same boat that I am.
this guy i used to know named Rick whom i haven't seen in like 10 years came in. after we did our "whoa, crap how are you?" moment. he went back to the table with the girl he came in to the mountaineer with and said "that guy right there inspired me to love the theater.".
i know it sounds ridiculous but that small statement meant the world to me. every day in my life i try to live by a late mentor's mantra *in everything you do, inspire" knowing that i have that ability confirmed the fact that i am supposed to teach. If just one kid out of 30 can say that about me.. i know i've made a difference. and THAT is truly living. making a difference. and sometimes the best ways to do that is to do it without even realizing it.. and just being yourself.
I can't seem to stop listening to the Legally Blonde cast recording. Two songs in particular "Legally Blonde" and the "remix" of the aforementioned song.
I know.. you will go "ew" why are you listening to that. 12 year old girls listen to that, not 29 year old men.
My retort to them is that it's good. and that's the end of it.
Christian Borle, Laura Bell Bundy and Kate Shindle have my heart. .. amazing performers.. April can't come fast enough.
i just can't believe that i'm still up at 7:30.
yeah. i'm a fool sometimes.
well.. most of the time.
Things seem so different but then I run into old friends.. realize they're in the same boat that I am.
this guy i used to know named Rick whom i haven't seen in like 10 years came in. after we did our "whoa, crap how are you?" moment. he went back to the table with the girl he came in to the mountaineer with and said "that guy right there inspired me to love the theater.".
i know it sounds ridiculous but that small statement meant the world to me. every day in my life i try to live by a late mentor's mantra *in everything you do, inspire" knowing that i have that ability confirmed the fact that i am supposed to teach. If just one kid out of 30 can say that about me.. i know i've made a difference. and THAT is truly living. making a difference. and sometimes the best ways to do that is to do it without even realizing it.. and just being yourself.
I can't seem to stop listening to the Legally Blonde cast recording. Two songs in particular "Legally Blonde" and the "remix" of the aforementioned song.
I know.. you will go "ew" why are you listening to that. 12 year old girls listen to that, not 29 year old men.
My retort to them is that it's good. and that's the end of it.
Christian Borle, Laura Bell Bundy and Kate Shindle have my heart. .. amazing performers.. April can't come fast enough.
i just can't believe that i'm still up at 7:30.
yeah. i'm a fool sometimes.
well.. most of the time.
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